Carte Blanche

Bustling noise from cars passing by, people walking in a hurry with anxious faces. Everyday the same at Uptown Station. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians you name it. You see them there standing or sitting just for one thing… the bus. I blend with them. Some people might see me as Hispanic, some might be right and think that I’m Asian. I begin to liking the diversity. I don’t find it hard anymore  when some people say ” Como estas?” , or thanking me in “Gracias”, or even ” Are you Mexican?”.

I like riding the bus. Getting on the bus and get a seat by the window. Turning on my ipod, sit back and relax with a hint of smile on my face.

Surilang njot-njotan

Burung dara burung merpati

Terbang melayang tinggi di awan

Hey sayang disayang

To think of it, of all those Americans in the bus with R&B or Hiphop playing in their song list, I’m the only one with Benyamin and Ida Royani with  Surilang. Hey, I don’t care about being titled as “old school”.

Way back to old time. Way back when I still had my little sister. She was only 3 years old, how short her life was. Her little body couldn’t survive from Dengue fever. Her liver was damaged and she had to depend on the life-support machine. My Dad had to face a difficult situation. The doctor told him there was no hope anymore, she was still breathing because of the machine. I remembered my Dad told me he saw tears fell down from my little sister cheek, that was whenever he decided to end the machine and let my sister…gone. My mom, well… she almost went nuts. She couldn’t function anymore, she just mourned and mourned… no days without crying.

That time, my family decided I had to live with my parent’s friend family for a temporary time, because things at home was chaotic. Their daughter went to the same kindergarten with me. Mita, that’s her name. She was my best friend. The nicest girl in the Kindergarten. The one who never asked me was I a poor kid. The one who always shared her lunch with me. The one who always let me come to her house to read children books, or coloring her books, and played with her dolls.

I was just a small kid. I didn’t feel sad to be separated from my family, I felt happy because the only things I knew was I could be close with her and we could read books and we could play together. When it was time for breakfast, Mita’s family had things that I found interesting. Like this soup with alphabet noodle. I think it was a noodle but up to now, I’m not sure what that is. But it tasted good. It came with orange juice and milk. I’m 28 now and I still remember vividly the breakfast I had. Mita’s Dad smile. Mita’s Mom who asked me if i wanted more of those alphabet soup thing.

Until one day, my Mom called me to go home. Mita’s parents drove me home and along the way home they always told me not to be shocked or cry. I thought, why?

It was the day that my sister died and she was brought home. The house was full with people mourning, and when I got inside the house and I found my Mom crying like hell and hugged me so tight, like she didn’t ever want to let me go. And she kept on crying and crying loud and told me my sister had gone. I didn’t cry. I was still a small kid. I didn’t know what death was. The only thing I knew I wouldn’t see my sister around the house anymore. I knew I wouldn’t see her running around the house with her bare feet. She always made sound when she walked or running, because she was wearing this ankle bracelet with small jingle bells. It’s weird, but back then it was a cute thing.

Days after my little sister buried, the house wasn’t a comfy place to live in for me. My mom still in mourning mode, night time was the most annoying time for me because she would cry and she would say that she heard those jingle bells bracelet my sister wore. It was annoying because it would make me sad too. As a little kid back then, I didn’t want to be sad, I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted to color books. I just wanted to read storied about princess in a castle.

Why I decided to pick this age? because you could see that back then I was pretty messed up in the head. I was happy when I was suppose to be sad. My sister was dying in the hospital and all I thought about was coloring books, and playing with toys. All those luxury expensive things that I didn’t have at my own home. If I could go back, I would’ve fixed my messed up head, I would’ve chosen my family than those coloring books and toys.

I’m going to tag Dan and Rike

I know Starbucks is famous for variety espresso or whatever those macchiato frappucino yata yata. I like to get Caramel Macchiato once a while. I know Caribou has some good stuff that I like even though I forget the name of that one thing I got long time ago.
But you know what. Starbucks, Caribou or those coffee shops across this country make are nothing compare to…

This cup of coffee Dan always makes for me in the morning to wake me up.

Whoa. Seriously. When are you going to catch up on those 3 books?. Having 2 jobs is not a good excuse for slacking. Having laundry to do and cleaning around and cooking are not a good excuse either. I’m too busy or I’m too tired is all you say, but there are times when you’re just sitting around and doing nothing.

I live in a country where, today, I saw a bum in downtown with a paperboard and a writing on it basically asking for money because he was homeless. I saw something else too, he was talking on a cellphone. I thought, if he could still pay for his cellphone bill, why not for his own food?
I saw another man with a paperboard and a writing on it also asking for money because he couldn’t work due to injury. What kind of injury that had to stop him from moving, i thought… He wasn’t confined in a wheelchair or anything. He was healthy and pretty buffy. At my work place, there are two co-workers whom always depend on their wheelchairs everyday, but you know what… they still WORK for money instead of begging on the street.

I live in a country where if you don’t make enough money here, you could apply for an EBT card or foodstamps. You could get orange juice, milk or even frozen pizza. You could never go hungry. You’re hungry if you’re too lazy to work.

I came from a home country where a bum would prefer a plate of hot steamy rice to a cellphone. Milk, orange juice or even frozen pizza are a big splurge, something for poor people can’t have in their diet. A plate of rice… just that, no chicken, or meat, is a bless already.

I’m tired. Very tired.

I think it’s very sweet.
Lesbian couple of 55 years

Sometimes I could be so whiney. One of so many things I whined about to Dan was how I felt lonely in this world when I was alone waiting for a bus and sometimes it could be so cold and windy and the sky was gloomy. I really felt like in a sad movie or something. A movie about an asian chick who traveled far away from her home country. So anyway, to make it short, he made a surprise trip to Best Buy. I asked where would we go… he shortly answered, “you’ll see”.

Turned out he took me there to get me an iPOD. He told me to choose which one. The shuffle one is sufficient enough to accompany me, and I like it small. I love it. He also ordered a book for me. The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. The first book I read was The Hundred Secret Sense, it was sitting on Dan’s book shelf and the cover looked interesting, I thought. After days, I got really addicted to it. Dan also has the audiobook version of Amy Tan’s book called The Bonesetter’s daughter. I had the file in my iPOD and had been listening to it on my way to work, on my break time, and before going to sleep.

My husband. He actually listens. I thought all men have problem with that one.

Went out to sushi and tepanyaki restaurant called Ichiban today. Guess what… found out the chef that made and served the shusi was Indonesian!. I forgot to ask his name :/ I was so excited to meet another Indonesian beside Ela. I tried to call her to let her know about it, she would be sooo frantic about it I think Ha ha.

Well for you guys in Minnesota who like to go out to eat at Ichiban if you happen to have a chef at your tepanyaki tablewith thick accent and funny, that’s him the Indonesian guy I’m talking about